I miss you.

I remember when I had someone take this picture (I forget who took it). You asked me if you should get Matt and Luke and I told you no that I wanted one with just the two of us because I didn't have any with just you. It was a real nice moment. I remember how much love I felt as I stood there with you and we had our arms around each other. I think you were proud that I wanted it to be just you and me. It was such a special moment. You were the most beautiful one of us all. I wish I would have had the chance to tell you that.


I miss you every minute of everyday brother. It is still so hard and part of me wants it to stay that way because it makes me feel close to you. Today I was thinking about how helpful you were to me. Every time I had something unfun to do, like painting the house, moving, running errands you were so quick to help me. You made stupid stuff fun and you were one of the least selfish people I ever knew. You were so giving, so kind to me even when I was a jerk of an older brother. I know you know that I love you. I know you loved me but I miss saying it and hearing it face to face. My life will never be the same without you in it. There is a lot of stuff going on in my life right now and it has been difficult because in the last year you were such a support for me, I felt like we shared the same voice and I loved the man you were becoming, and mom has always been the person I could go to with all of the real life stuff. So I guess what I am saying is that I miss you and mom more everyday. We had so much planned...guess it will have to wait a while. I love you so much.

Josh