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Sunday, March 1, 2009

Reflection


I wrote the following the day after the Lord took Caleb home.  I pray my process might be used to aid yours, as those of others have been used to aid mine.

I wanted to find a way to express or even record the moment, but how do you write silence into words? Job’s friends did well with supportive silence and totally blew it when they attempted words. At his friend’s grave, Jesus exemplified quiet sorrow. That being said, let me risk a few words as I try to work out the silence I’ve been given.

I believe in a sovereign God who has ordained our story, beginning to end, causing it all to work together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose, and this to his good pleasure and glory (Psalm 139:16; Romans 8:28-29). The story had been getting difficult for the Otts along with their family and friends as we received news of cancer in Lynne’s body. The news was devastating but observable purpose emerged as the family rejected despair for hope, division for unity, anger for love, fear for faith, loss for the victory that is ours in Christ, and this for the building of God’s kingdom as he shined through his people. It was in this context that I received the news that my nineteen-year-old cousin, Lynne’s son and support, Caleb, was killed in a car accident. I had trouble accepting the news as reality. The plot had become implausible, over-the-top, far-fetched. How could so gross a terror have slipped past the author’s edit, left to drown out the subtle and beautiful nuance of the developing story? Like Martha and Mary I felt that if the Lord were around our brother would not have died (John 11:21,32). I knew that he was around…yet Caleb did die.

Against such odds as those for which the world would settle, we have seen in our day God deliver Brett from extreme neonatal risk, Steve Baldwin from a rare and unresearched heart condition, Luke from an A.T.V. careening down a mountain, myself from a car accident, Luke from a car accident, Caleb from a motorcycle accident, and accident-prone Poppy from seemingly all of the above and then some. We have experienced the Lord’s mysterious goodness both in times of circumstantial need and abundance (Philippians 4:12). Yet accustomed as we were to God’s surprising ways both as author and character, this one caught us beyond surprise…we were in shock. If there was a glint of pretense that the storyline had become to us predictable, manageable, or at least coherent, such fantasy was hurled off a precipous in rural Pennsylvania during the twilight hours of Saturday, March 1, 2008.

Caleb’s youthful passing sets him mature and grown in the presence of our savior whom he now knows face to face (I Corinthians 13:12; Colossians 3:3-4; I John 3:2). Meanwhile we who are left behind quietly lower our heads as those who look in a mirror dimly to him whose ways are above our ways, whose thoughts are above our thoughts (I Corinthians 13:12; Isaiah 55:8-9). And so while Caleb matures we grow youthful, as children who realize they do not have it all figured out let alone under control, children for whom anything is possible in a broader sense than we had ever thought (Mark 10:27; Philippians 4:13). It seems the Lord does both kill and make alive, he both gives and takes away (I Samuel 2:6; Job 1:21).

Yet in so doing he is giving me (us, if this resonates with you too), among other things, perspective on my perspective. The rich young ruler was willing to follow after his adult pretense of knowledge and control…even as they led over the spiritual precipous, to his death (Mark 10). I say, let’s leave our illusions so hurled. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom as a child shall not enter it at all (Mark 10:15). Am I ready yet?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Caleb, a man I never knew

Caleb,
Chances are pretty good that you wouldn't remember me, but I love your family deeply. I moved away from PA when I was 9 and you were just about a year old. After moving away, I thought of few people from PA, but your family was always at the top of the list.

20 years later, I still remember what an impact you all had on my life. To see what an incredible man you were just through the memories of others makes me wish that I had known you better. Knowing your family even as briefly as I did, I am sure you were a Godly and faithful man and that you were surrounded by love.

Until I see you in paradise,

Kristin Derr

Monday, April 28, 2008

A Tribute Video

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Buddies




I wish I would have been able to see them in picnic...graduation..wedding...vacation...etc...pitures together. They just were great together. Here's to the Saturday morning memories.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

To an old friend

Caleb,

I remember back when we first met in the 3rd grade at Cressona Christian School. We were best friends all the way up through until you went to Blue Mountain High. I remember you and Luke coming over my house n playing Golden Eye for Nintendo 64 and having a blast. I'm sorry I never kept in touch w/ you. You'll always be remembered in me and my family's hearts. Love ya man, see you in paradise!!!!

Love,

Christopher Parker

Monday, April 14, 2008

classic


haha love this picture, so classic, me lookin like a idiot, kev not smiling, n caleb lovin both of us

Sunday, April 6, 2008

I miss you.




I remember when I had someone take this picture (I forget who took it). You asked me if you should get Matt and Luke and I told you no that I wanted one with just the two of us because I didn't have any with just you. It was a real nice moment. I remember how much love I felt as I stood there with you and we had our arms around each other. I think you were proud that I wanted it to be just you and me. It was such a special moment. You were the most beautiful one of us all. I wish I would have had the chance to tell you that.


I miss you every minute of everyday brother. It is still so hard and part of me wants it to stay that way because it makes me feel close to you. Today I was thinking about how helpful you were to me. Every time I had something unfun to do, like painting the house, moving, running errands you were so quick to help me. You made stupid stuff fun and you were one of the least selfish people I ever knew. You were so giving, so kind to me even when I was a jerk of an older brother. I know you know that I love you. I know you loved me but I miss saying it and hearing it face to face. My life will never be the same without you in it. There is a lot of stuff going on in my life right now and it has been difficult because in the last year you were such a support for me, I felt like we shared the same voice and I loved the man you were becoming, and mom has always been the person I could go to with all of the real life stuff. So I guess what I am saying is that I miss you and mom more everyday. We had so much planned...guess it will have to wait a while. I love you so much.

Josh